Welcome to Your Ultimate Life Podcast with Kellan Fluckiger
Nov. 26, 2024

Embracing Discomfort: How to Transform Fear and Thrive Authentically with Wendy Feldman

Embracing Discomfort: How to Transform Fear and Thrive Authentically with Wendy Feldman

In this episode of Your Ultimate Life, guest Wendy Feldman shares her inspiring journey of resilience and self-discovery after facing near-death experiences and personal hardships, including a divorce. She emphasizes the importance of embracing discomfort as a pathway to growth and authenticity. Through her experiences, Wendy has learned that true fulfillment comes from being one’s authentic self, regardless of the judgment of others. She encourages listeners to recognize their unique gifts and to share them with the world, asserting that everyone has something valuable to contribute. This conversation is a powerful reminder that facing challenges can lead to profound personal transformation and a deeper connection with ourselves and others.

Wendy Feldman’s powerful story of resilience and self-discovery takes center stage in a thought-provoking podcast episode that challenges listeners to confront their fears and embrace their authentic selves. Kellen and Wendy engage in a heartfelt discussion about the significance of authenticity in today’s world, especially in the face of societal expectations. Wendy’s personal experiences, including her life-threatening accidents and subsequent recovery, serve as a backdrop for her insights into the fragility of life and the importance of prioritizing what truly matters. She articulates how her near-death experiences have imparted a profound understanding of the transient nature of life, urging listeners to shed their fears and live fully.

Wendy candidly discusses the transformative journey following her divorce, illustrating how adversity can catalyze profound change. She emphasizes the necessity of setting boundaries and the liberation from distancing oneself from toxic relationships. Kellen and Wendy advocate for self-love and self-validation, reinforcing that true happiness stems from within. This podcast segment is particularly resonant for individuals who struggle with people-pleasing tendencies, as Wendy shares her mantra of saying no to others when it means saying yes to oneself. The duo underscores the importance of recognizing and nurturing relationships that foster growth, encouraging listeners to seek out connections that uplift and inspire them.

Towards the conclusion, Wendy’s enthusiasm for helping others shines through as she discusses her work in wellness coaching. She shares her vision of creating a supportive community where individuals can explore their gifts and overcome their fears. Kellen reinforces this message, urging listeners to reflect on their unique contributions to the world. The episode wraps up with an empowering call to action, inspiring everyone to recognize their inherent worth and the impact they can have by simply being their true selves. This episode is a compelling reminder that we can all create lives filled with purpose and joy through authenticity, resilience, and self-love.

Takeaways:

  • Embracing discomfort is essential for growth, enabling you to push through challenges and transform your life.
  • It's crucial to stop seeking validation from others and instead find it within yourself.
  • Living authentically means letting go of fears regarding what others think about you.
  • Building resilience comes from experiences that teach you to be comfortable with discomfort.
  • The journey of self-discovery often involves removing toxic people from your life.
  • You can face everything and rise, overcoming fear rather than running from it.

Links referenced in this episode:



Chapters

00:00 - None

00:09 - Creating Your Ultimate Life

09:11 - Setting Boundaries and Seeking Self-Worth

11:11 - The Journey to Self-Validation

19:30 - Embracing Discomfort

33:22 - Facing Fear and Rising Above

Transcript
Kellen

Welcome to the show.


Kellen

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Kellen

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Kellen

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Kellen

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Kellen

You have infinite power.


Kellen

Hello, and welcome to this episode of youf Ultimate Life, the podcast committed to helping you create a life of purpose, prosperity and joy.


Kellen

And I'm stoked today to have a fabulous guest, Wendy Feldman.


Kellen

Wendy, welcome to the show.


Wendy Feldman

Ah, thank you, thank you.


Wendy Feldman

I'm super excited to be here with you today.


Kellen

Kellen, you are so welcome.


Kellen

And I'm grateful that I'm grateful for who you're being and the work you're doing and how you're creating things in the world.


Kellen

So I'm not going to give an introduction.


Kellen

I'm going to allow people to get to know your beauty, your grace, your passion as we go along.


Kellen

And the first thing I want to ask you is without being any holding anything back or trying to be modest or anything, I want people to know and I want to know how is Wendy adding good to the world?


Wendy Feldman

Thank you.


Wendy Feldman

Oh, gosh, that is kind of a loaded.


Wendy Feldman

That's.


Wendy Feldman

Here we go.


Wendy Feldman

Do you have.


Wendy Feldman

How much time do you have?


Kellen

We've got a half an hour.


Wendy Feldman

Do we have all day?


Wendy Feldman

Because, you know.


Wendy Feldman

No, no, no.


Wendy Feldman

You know, I love that I've been through as you.


Wendy Feldman

I have died.


Wendy Feldman

And that's how you and I started talking.


Wendy Feldman

You know, I've died three times.


Wendy Feldman

Well, come close to death, let's say.


Wendy Feldman

I don't want to say I've died because I'm right here today, but I have come close to death three times in the.


Wendy Feldman

Over the period of the last eight years, or let's say 10 years now.


Wendy Feldman

And through all of that, I so realized.


Wendy Feldman

I so realized what was really important in life and what really mattered.


Wendy Feldman

And I've had to go through a lot of hurt, a lot of pain, physical, emotional.


Wendy Feldman

Through that came.


Wendy Feldman

There was a divorce in the middle of that.


Wendy Feldman

And a lot of different things happened.


Wendy Feldman

And through every little bit that I went through, I realized it doesn't matter about the small stuff.


Wendy Feldman

And you and I have talked about this before, about what other people think, and your WITOT theory comes into play big time.


Wendy Feldman

You know what I think others think, and I really resonate with that because I used to live my life so worried about what are people going to think?


Wendy Feldman

What if?


Wendy Feldman

What if.


Wendy Feldman

And that held me back from so.


Wendy Feldman

From doing so many things and from being my true authentic self.


Wendy Feldman

So I Guess to answer your question, what I'm doing to bring good into the world is to let other people know that you can be your true, authentic self and it's okay.


Wendy Feldman

And what other people think, it doesn't matter.


Wendy Feldman

And the people that love you and the people.


Wendy Feldman

People that support you will always be there and you.


Wendy Feldman

Like attracts like.


Wendy Feldman

So I want to share that message because for so many years of my Life, for almost 50 years of my life, I don't think I felt that way.


Wendy Feldman

And I was afraid to be my authentic self and for what I thought people were going to think about my authentic self.


Wendy Feldman

And that wasn't a.


Wendy Feldman

Did not feel good to live that way.


Wendy Feldman

Didn't feel good.


Kellen

You know, you said the people that love you will always be there when you choose or someone chooses to be their authentic self and, you know, be different than they've been being.


Kellen

Is it possible that the people that you thought loved you or ought to love you would run screaming for the hills and want nothing to do with you?


Kellen

And if that happens, like, what do you do?


Wendy Feldman

Absolutely.


Wendy Feldman

Absolutely.


Wendy Feldman

It's people that we think.


Wendy Feldman

Because, of course, there were people in my world that when I got divorced, I thought they were close to me and they weren't there.


Wendy Feldman

And that's.


Wendy Feldman

And I.


Wendy Feldman

And you've talked about this in POD in some of your fear podcasts, which I'm really loving the series, is that we can blame.


Wendy Feldman

I can say, okay, well, I could blame them and say, well, they weren't there for me, but I have to take ownership, right?


Wendy Feldman

I take ownership of myself.


Wendy Feldman

So what how other people respond, that's on.


Wendy Feldman

That's on them.


Wendy Feldman

I can only control what I can control.


Wendy Feldman

Right?


Wendy Feldman

So how people act, it's how we react to that, Right.


Wendy Feldman

How we react to their actions.


Wendy Feldman

We can't control other people, what they think about this, what they're going to say about us, we can't control that people will do what they're going to do.


Wendy Feldman

We can control how we respond and how we let it affect us.


Wendy Feldman

And that was a big thing that I learned is I have the control over that.


Wendy Feldman

I can spiral out of control or I can just move on my own way.


Wendy Feldman

And so I guess I say, when I.


Wendy Feldman

The people that love you will support you.


Wendy Feldman

It's the people that you connect with that believe in you, that believe in you, who you are, that love you for your authentic self.


Wendy Feldman

Those were the people that I'm referring to.


Wendy Feldman

Is that.


Wendy Feldman

Did I make.


Kellen

That makes perfect sense.


Wendy Feldman

Yeah.


Kellen

Yeah.


Kellen

So let's talk a little Bit about that.


Kellen

You're right, I can't.


Kellen

You can't.


Kellen

We don't have anything to do.


Kellen

Like other people feel whatever they feel and they feel that and it makes perfect sense to them because they're wherever they are on their journey of life and so they then hate you or me or whoever or avoid, you know, change because that's the lens that they look through.


Kellen

And so then they're, they're out of your life.


Kellen

And then you attract new relationships, people, conditions into your life.


Kellen

I have a question that just popped in my mind as you said that.


Kellen

So if people that you thought should love you, family, friends, whatever, and then they distance themselves or get scarce or openly become hostile as you, as you choose the path to live on and how you express yourself in the world, is it possible that can hurt?


Kellen

Is it possible in your mind to get to a place where you just love them anyway and let them be where they are after the fact that they hurt you?


Kellen

Like what.


Kellen

What happens then?


Wendy Feldman

Yeah.


Wendy Feldman

Yes, that's a really, really great question.


Wendy Feldman

I do believe that.


Wendy Feldman

I do believe that.


Wendy Feldman

Now, obviously there's different levels of hurt, okay, so we, you know, people are.


Wendy Feldman

Everyone's gonna.


Wendy Feldman

Every situation is going to be different for every human on the planet and it depends on their own level of what and what hur to them.


Wendy Feldman

But I do believe, yes, I do believe that we accept we can learn because we learn in life, we learn to adapt.


Wendy Feldman

And that's one of the big things that I work on as being a health and wellness coach that I work with my clients is some things we can't change.


Wendy Feldman

And people don't really change, you know, they really don't.


Wendy Feldman

But we adapt.


Wendy Feldman

We learn to adapt.


Wendy Feldman

And so when people, when we have, let's say, whether it's family, friends, da da da, that maybe have hurt us or that maybe we've hurt them, I mean, you know, it goes both ways, right?


Wendy Feldman

That maybe we.


Wendy Feldman

And da da da.


Wendy Feldman

So we have to then adapt and we hope that other people.


Wendy Feldman

I hope that other people will adapt as well, that know that.


Wendy Feldman

And it becomes, I think, one of the things that bubbles up when I, as I say this to you, it's about judgment and about, you know, people are fear of being judged.


Wendy Feldman

There's a lot of judgment going on.


Wendy Feldman

People judge all the time.


Wendy Feldman

And that's one, one of my.


Wendy Feldman

That's a big trigger for me because I used to, I was very judgmental and I'm so not now.


Wendy Feldman

And so I let people do their thing and if they're going to be.


Wendy Feldman

Go do it.


Wendy Feldman

Have at it.


Wendy Feldman

Like, that's fine.


Wendy Feldman

That's good.


Wendy Feldman

Because it's on them.


Wendy Feldman

If it, you know, I can, I can either remove myself.


Wendy Feldman

I can either say, that doesn't work for me anymore.


Wendy Feldman

I set those boundaries.


Wendy Feldman

It's all about.


Wendy Feldman

And I never could do that, Kellen.


Wendy Feldman

I never knew how to do that.


Wendy Feldman

I'm such a people pleaser.


Wendy Feldman

I was so afraid to disappoint people, and I didn't want to say no.


Wendy Feldman

And that was not healthy.


Wendy Feldman

It was not good.


Wendy Feldman

You know, that was not good.


Kellen

If you, if you get.


Kellen

And I know you're talking to a lot of people right now that are listening.


Kellen

If you who are a people pleaser, meaning you got your energy and value and validation from seeing that what you did or said made somebody else happy.


Kellen

And so we're pleasing people.


Kellen

When you stop doing that and begin setting boundaries, then you no longer meet their expectations, so you no longer have that source of personal validation.


Kellen

So there's two questions in here.


Kellen

One is, how do you deal with the reaction of others who you now no longer people please because you set boundaries?


Kellen

And the second is, where do you then get your validation or feeling of worth that you used to get from making people happy?


Kellen

So what do you do with their how dare you reaction if that happens?


Kellen

And then where do you go get the truth of your own value in the new.


Kellen

In a new way?


Wendy Feldman

That is two great questions.


Wendy Feldman

So.


Wendy Feldman

And I.


Wendy Feldman

And I'll tell you my.


Wendy Feldman

I'll tell you my take on it.


Wendy Feldman

And I'd love to know your take on it as well, too.


Kellen

Well, you're.


Kellen

You're.


Kellen

This is you.


Kellen

Your take is all there.


Kellen

I mean, yes, I'll share, but so please.


Wendy Feldman

I really feel like.


Wendy Feldman

Because when you're so conditioned to.


Wendy Feldman

From growing up, from being a little kid, to always looking for approval, to looking for approval, to getting people to say yes to da, da, da, to not wanting to say no, to not wanting to disappoint to people, please.


Wendy Feldman

You're so conditioned to that.


Wendy Feldman

It becomes.


Wendy Feldman

It's just part of you, right?


Wendy Feldman

It was part of me.


Wendy Feldman

It's like.


Wendy Feldman

But when I.


Wendy Feldman

So I started writing this, I started this little mantra and I wrote down this thing on a piece of paper one day, and I decorated it and I colored it, made it look really pretty.


Wendy Feldman

And it was eight years ago, seven years ago that I did this.


Wendy Feldman

And it's still sitting.


Wendy Feldman

I have it sitting in my bathroom and I look at it every day.


Wendy Feldman

And it's basically a mantra.


Wendy Feldman

That means that I said I'm going to stop saying yes to others when it means saying no to myself, and that I will be okay if I say no and it may disappoint someone, quote, and I say disappoint, I will be okay with that.


Wendy Feldman

And it will not stop me from doing what I want to do because I'm afraid of disappointing.


Wendy Feldman

And I wrote that out in.


Wendy Feldman

In, you know, in my own little words.


Wendy Feldman

And like I said, I kind of colored it and made it just, you know, and it was this very therapeutic.


Wendy Feldman

It was a very therapeutic exercise I did because I look, it's there every day as a reminder.


Wendy Feldman

And so when you ask me now, so that was one big step I took by saying no, I'm going to.


Wendy Feldman

If it.


Wendy Feldman

If it means saying no to myself, I'm not going to say yes to others.


Wendy Feldman

And so that was tough.


Wendy Feldman

That was a big.


Wendy Feldman

So that was number one.


Wendy Feldman

But the second part, when you ask the question as, where do you get that validation?


Wendy Feldman

I have to.


Wendy Feldman

I get.


Wendy Feldman

Give it to myself.


Wendy Feldman

I give it to myself whether it's outside.


Wendy Feldman

When I, you know, I was a huge road cyclist.


Wendy Feldman

I think we talked about this and two of my near deaths were on my.


Wendy Feldman

On my road bike.


Wendy Feldman

So I gave that up.


Wendy Feldman

And that was very challenging for me because that was where I got a lot of my own validation because I was very.


Wendy Feldman

I was very good on the bike, very good cyclist, very fast, successful, and I was fearless.


Wendy Feldman

And that was the one place in my world where I could be me.


Wendy Feldman

I could be me.


Wendy Feldman

And I rode for miles and ever and loved it.


Wendy Feldman

And that had.


Wendy Feldman

It was taken away from me from.


Wendy Feldman

Because of the two accidents that I had and, you know, two traumatic brain injuries.


Wendy Feldman

And that was.


Wendy Feldman

That was it.


Wendy Feldman

That was it.


Wendy Feldman

The doctor said, no more your head again.


Wendy Feldman

And that's it.


Wendy Feldman

And my kids and said, mom, please.


Wendy Feldman

And so I did.


Wendy Feldman

I saw.


Wendy Feldman

I was like, no more bike.


Wendy Feldman

So I'm off.


Wendy Feldman

But I got a peloton and I became a spin instructor.


Wendy Feldman

And so I kind of flip that into, you know, how can I.


Wendy Feldman

How can I use it?


Wendy Feldman

And when I get on and that.


Wendy Feldman

And I give myself the validation, it's we.


Wendy Feldman

You find it in yourself, Colin.


Wendy Feldman

You find it because we all have it.


Wendy Feldman

We all have our own special gift.


Wendy Feldman

Everyone has it and it's being.


Wendy Feldman

How to tap into that which is really challenging when you can tap into your own gift and realize you have a gift and she has a gift and he has a gift and they have a gift.


Wendy Feldman

Everyone has Their own gift, then I'm not threatened by that anymore.


Wendy Feldman

I'm not threatened by other people's.


Wendy Feldman

I have my own.


Wendy Feldman

And if you want to love me for that and you like my gift and you want to hear about my gifts and you want to find your own, great, awesome, talk to me, work with me.


Wendy Feldman

And if not, that's okay too.


Wendy Feldman

That's okay too.


Kellen

So I just absolutely love that and I want to just agree in specifics for the listeners benefit.


Kellen

Here you listening.


Kellen

You have a gift and you may be hearing it and look at her, look at me or somebody else, you know, and think, oh, I wish I was like them.


Kellen

No, you don't.


Kellen

What, what you do is you wish you could find your gifts and your own validation in yourself, just like she said, because it's there.


Kellen

And your willingness to explore and to accept and to truly begin to love yourself.


Kellen

I love the fact that that's in the bathroom.


Kellen

One of the things I just did an episode on that'll be out in a while by myself was I, it was like a question, what's on your mirror?


Kellen

And I talked about writing phrases on your mirror and I use like a dry erase marker, right.


Kellen

And write them there to see, to live into and to sort of chew on every day that have to do with self love and validation and accepting those gifts.


Kellen

And so my take is you're exactly right.


Kellen

Every single person has gifts and to the extent you're willing to accept them, to value them yourself and then to share them, you do create that validation and you realize that between your, the gifts you were given by your creator, like you have them.


Kellen

And our happiest time is when we're in love and service using those things that we were given.


Kellen

So that's fabulous.


Wendy Feldman

Absolutely.


Wendy Feldman

And sharing it.


Wendy Feldman

And, and I think when you talk about gifts, you know, one of the things that one of my, one of my careers because after, after I got divorced eight, nine years ago, I had to recreate myself.


Wendy Feldman

And at age 51 years old, it was like 52 years old.


Wendy Feldman

I'm 61 now.


Wendy Feldman

It was how I never thought I'd be in this position.


Wendy Feldman

You know, I'm like Now I've got three kids, my three amazing children who are in their 20s now.


Wendy Feldman

How am I going to do this?


Wendy Feldman

You know, I was pretty much a stay at home mom and I volunteered and did a lot of little things and I had little projects.


Wendy Feldman

But now how am I going to recreate myself?


Wendy Feldman

And that was when I needed to really dig deep.


Wendy Feldman

And it was not always Easy.


Wendy Feldman

And I made mistakes along the way.


Wendy Feldman

So, you know, no, no, there is no perfect.


Wendy Feldman

And it's the mistakes.


Wendy Feldman

It's how we deal.


Wendy Feldman

We learn from them.


Wendy Feldman

Not beat ourselves up.


Wendy Feldman

We not beat our.


Wendy Feldman

You know, I would beat myself up.


Wendy Feldman

Like, why did I do that?


Wendy Feldman

Why do you do that?


Wendy Feldman

I was so dumb.


Wendy Feldman

And no, no, because we try.


Wendy Feldman

You're trying.


Wendy Feldman

Just making the effort.


Wendy Feldman

Honestly, I feel like making an effort sometimes that is good enough.


Wendy Feldman

Like, you're trying.


Wendy Feldman

We're out there.


Wendy Feldman

It's better than doing nothing.


Wendy Feldman

And I say that again with clients when they're talking about things they want to change.


Wendy Feldman

Make.


Wendy Feldman

Just make the attempt.


Wendy Feldman

Because often just that attempt to get over that break, that break that little, you know, that barrier, get over that little hump to make that attempt.


Wendy Feldman

Then you get yourself going.


Wendy Feldman

You're like, I can do it, I can do it.


Wendy Feldman

It's baby steps, one step at a time.


Wendy Feldman

So it's like your goals, you know, making.


Wendy Feldman

We make goals that are too big.


Wendy Feldman

It's hard to achieve.


Wendy Feldman

Make small steps, little steps, little steps.


Wendy Feldman

And celebrate the win, celebrate the accomplishments.


Wendy Feldman

Like, hey, I did that.


Wendy Feldman

I did that one little thing.


Wendy Feldman

You're like, okay, did it.


Wendy Feldman

I feel good.


Wendy Feldman

And then.


Wendy Feldman

And then you start to.


Wendy Feldman

And you build that confidence about it.


Kellen

I love that.


Kellen

And I would agree with you 100% in the attempt.


Kellen

You have already won, so you made the attempt and that's it.


Kellen

I don't care if you had a thought in your mind, I'm going to make this attempt and suddenly I'll be on top of Mount Everest.


Kellen

And then you find yourself flat in your face at the bottom.


Kellen

Okay, you still made the attempt, and that by itself is a win.


Kellen

The loss would be.


Kellen

And therefore I'm not going to try again.


Kellen

If the next step is, well, I better get ready and figure out what made me trip here, down here, and I am eating snow.


Kellen

Let's start over.


Kellen

What else can I do?


Kellen

You're already a winner.


Kellen

Every single person breathing air does that.


Kellen

So when you recreated yourself, like, okay, you recreated yourself and you said, and it's funny, you said you had this.


Kellen

All these difficulties and the divorce was in the middle of them.


Kellen

And there it is, an example of a relationship that maybe you thought you could depend on.


Kellen

Crashed and burned for whatever reason, and then you find yourself with another mess to clean up.


Kellen

You have to recreate yourself and figuring out lots of stuff.


Kellen

So what happened?


Kellen

Where did you find the resilience, the creativity and the power to do that in the midst of, you know, Those kinds of struggles.


Wendy Feldman

So how I found that and where I found that was a lot in what I learned from when I had my bike crashes, when I had my first crash.


Wendy Feldman

And you've been through these things that are traumatic.


Wendy Feldman

I was in the hospital for seven days, and I was on a morphine drip for five days, and da, da, da.


Wendy Feldman

And when you've got a rehab from that, broken bones and traumatic, severe traumatic brain injury where you can't be in a room with light or sound or anything for weeks, right.


Wendy Feldman

You have to train your body to get comfortable being uncomfortable.


Wendy Feldman

And I learned that actually when I was cycling with someone.


Wendy Feldman

One time we used to cycle this mountain that was 4, 000ft.


Wendy Feldman

And we would do it a couple times a week.


Wendy Feldman

And it was tough.


Wendy Feldman

I mean, it was hard, that one part.


Wendy Feldman

And I remember someone saying, this is when you got to learn to be.


Wendy Feldman

You get comfortable being uncomfortable.


Wendy Feldman

And I've taken that with me.


Wendy Feldman

That has stuck with me.


Wendy Feldman

And I.


Wendy Feldman

And I'm also a fitness instructor, so I teach bar classes.


Wendy Feldman

I've been teaching for 15 years.


Wendy Feldman

I love that.


Wendy Feldman

I love helping people.


Wendy Feldman

I love teaching, love educating, love having fun.


Wendy Feldman

But that's one thing I say to my clients all the time.


Wendy Feldman

When it's.


Wendy Feldman

When you're in that part, it's like, embrace the discomfort.


Wendy Feldman

And when I was lying in a hospital bed a few years ago from another fall, another.


Wendy Feldman

Not a bike fall, but another mishap, surgical mishap, and had two lung surgeries and they thought I was going to die then.


Wendy Feldman

It was painful.


Wendy Feldman

Painful.


Wendy Feldman

I couldn't breathe.


Wendy Feldman

For 10 days, I could not breathe.


Wendy Feldman

I was on a ventilator.


Wendy Feldman

It was.


Wendy Feldman

It was horrible.


Wendy Feldman

But I remember the times I was awake when I was not on the medic.


Wendy Feldman

You know, I was waking up.


Wendy Feldman

It was like, embrace this discomfort because it's not going to last forever.


Wendy Feldman

I can get through this.


Wendy Feldman

It was the same.


Wendy Feldman

And you.


Wendy Feldman

I can take that pain.


Wendy Feldman

Whether it's.


Wendy Feldman

Whether you're in a hospital bed or whether you're in a.


Wendy Feldman

In a.


Wendy Feldman

You're.


Wendy Feldman

You're at a.


Wendy Feldman

In an event where you don't know anybody and you walk in and you're like, I don't know anyone here.


Wendy Feldman

And it's uncomfortable.


Wendy Feldman

Embrace the discomfort.


Wendy Feldman

Because when you can get comfortable being uncomfortable in any situation, you're on a stage, if you're, da, da, da, whatever, you're in a.


Wendy Feldman

You're in a meeting, you're.


Wendy Feldman

And you're starting to feel uncomfortable, breathe into it.


Wendy Feldman

And that's what I Had to do.


Wendy Feldman

And when I was uncomfortable with friend, with people not being included into parties, that we used to go to social events, and I knew people were having events.


Wendy Feldman

And you get divorced all of a sudden, you know, maybe you're not included in things, and there's.


Wendy Feldman

It's uncomfortable.


Wendy Feldman

It's uncomfortable.


Wendy Feldman

And you embrace it, and you find other.


Wendy Feldman

You adapt.


Wendy Feldman

You find other things to get you through.


Wendy Feldman

And whether it's lying in a hospital bed trying to think about things or soothe my mind or soothe my brain, or listening to meditative tapes, whatever it is, you find ways to embrace discomfort.


Wendy Feldman

And it's a huge message for me is that because when you can, and I know you like a cold plunge or da, da, da, I started doing that.


Wendy Feldman

Kellen, I don't do the cold plunge.


Wendy Feldman

I'm not.


Wendy Feldman

I'm not there yet.


Wendy Feldman

I'm like.


Wendy Feldman

That is like, you are my hero.


Wendy Feldman

There is no way but what I have started doing.


Wendy Feldman

Maybe you'll appreciate this.


Wendy Feldman

At the very end of my shower every morning, I turn that thing down so it's cold.


Wendy Feldman

And I stand there because I also know it's very good for your skin, it's very good for your body to do the cold.


Wendy Feldman

And I embrace the discomfort.


Wendy Feldman

And that kicks off my day because it's like, you can get through this.


Wendy Feldman

You tell you.


Wendy Feldman

And it's hard you get through, but you can get through the discomfort.


Wendy Feldman

And that has been huge for me.


Wendy Feldman

That's been huge.


Wendy Feldman

So I hope that answered your question.


Kellen

It does.


Kellen

And I want to just underline it, agree with it, and emphasize it.


Kellen

If you, as a listener, whether you are trying to write a book, you're trying to deal with a crappy boss, you're having trouble in your relationship, whether you've got a physical thing, whether you want to lose weight and you've tried 47 times and you can't, whether you're thinking about starting a business, whether you're having trouble with a kid or something, it doesn't matter.


Kellen

Because when you're.


Kellen

When something happens to you outside of your control, somebody or something happens, we have two choices.


Kellen

We can be resigned and say, ugh, I'm defeated.


Kellen

Or we can say, this hurts.


Kellen

I'm going to figure out what to do with it and do exactly what she said, which is accept Wendy's teaching.


Kellen

Embrace it.


Kellen

This is what.


Kellen

Is.


Kellen

What awesomeness can I create out of this mess?


Kellen

And if the awesomeness is just relax for a minute and get through it.


Kellen

That's enough awesomeness.


Kellen

And maybe the next time is get through it a little bit better or a little bit faster.


Kellen

And then you can start with the creative thought, what actually can I create out of this mess?


Kellen

So you've had these near death experiences and life threatening things, you've had a divorce, you've had to recreate yourself and you've got comfortable being uncomfortable and you have then created something out of that perceived mess.


Kellen

So tell us about what you're doing now.


Kellen

What are you creating and have you created about yourself with yourself in terms of how you express yourself, that authenticity, what you teach, what you share?


Kellen

Tell us.


Wendy Feldman

Yeah, yeah.


Wendy Feldman

So it's, I'm embracing discomfort here because one of the things I am doing is I'm putting myself out there doing more, more reels.


Wendy Feldman

So, you know, doing the videos and doing those and add and giving my little bit, having it's content, right?


Wendy Feldman

I'm doing more content creation.


Wendy Feldman

And that is uncomfortable for me because that is not natural.


Wendy Feldman

Even though I can go teach a class and have, you know, anywhere from 10 to 23 people in a class and I've been doing it and it's like I can just do it and I love it.


Wendy Feldman

And the minute I can do it in the back of my head, you could put any playlist on and I'm going to teach a class.


Wendy Feldman

So comfortable when it comes to filming myself or you know, even for 90 seconds and then having to put it out there to the world.


Wendy Feldman

Because now I'm putting it out there into the universe and putting it up on social media.


Wendy Feldman

So it's going out.


Kellen

The Internet is forever, right?


Kellen

Forever.


Wendy Feldman

And it's like, what do we say?


Wendy Feldman

I think maybe we talked when I talked to you about this before.


Wendy Feldman

I think it's like it's opening that kimono.


Wendy Feldman

I'm saying I'm leaving myself vulnerable to what people may say.


Wendy Feldman

You leave yourself vulnerable to.


Wendy Feldman

Are they going to laugh at it?


Wendy Feldman

Are they going to say that?


Wendy Feldman

Maybe they will, maybe they will, maybe they'll say, oh my God.


Wendy Feldman

But that's okay because at the same time that's happening, I have other people reaching out to me and saying, I love what you're doing, I love your content.


Wendy Feldman

And I go like, really?


Wendy Feldman

You know, and they like, I love it.


Wendy Feldman

And they're like so much that I have someone who I think might want to work with you.


Wendy Feldman

And that it's.


Wendy Feldman

If I get a few of those great.


Wendy Feldman

Because that if I can change one person's life, that's what I feel.


Wendy Feldman

And I feel that and I know I've done that with my in my teaching, in my classes, because I know how people feel when they tell me after.


Wendy Feldman

And.


Wendy Feldman

And I don't.


Wendy Feldman

I don't look like, oh, look at me, look at me.


Wendy Feldman

Because that's not it, Kellen.


Wendy Feldman

I'm very.


Wendy Feldman

That's not it at all.


Wendy Feldman

But I've had to come through a lot, and I know a lot of people have gone through way, way harder things than me and way worse things than me.


Wendy Feldman

So I'm not putting.


Wendy Feldman

Saying I'm.


Wendy Feldman

I've gone through this and, wow, I'm like the.


Wendy Feldman

You know, no, we all have our own struggles.


Wendy Feldman

But it's like you said, how do you deal with it?


Wendy Feldman

So what I'm doing now is I'm doing more and more to put myself out there, to get out of obscurity, to.


Wendy Feldman

If one person hears it and it's.


Wendy Feldman

And it helps them and saves them from really spiraling into a hole, then I've done my job.


Wendy Feldman

And then I want it to keep going.


Wendy Feldman

So I want to do more of those.


Wendy Feldman

I love being on podcast, so thank you so much for having me on your podcast.


Wendy Feldman

I want to do more.


Wendy Feldman

I'd love to be able to speak.


Wendy Feldman

I am doing workshops, so I do different types of things, and it's little steps, you know, right now, that's where I'm at.


Wendy Feldman

And so I'm hoping that each thing will.


Wendy Feldman

It will.


Wendy Feldman

You know, it'll snowball.


Kellen

So I'm going to give you a phrase, and you might use it when you help your clients, too.


Kellen

When people talk about that obscurity and wanting to do more and be more, and people have a natural fear.


Kellen

I've owned a recording studio for 40 years, and vocalists always say when they hear themselves sing for the first time, I don't sound like that.


Kellen

And it's.


Kellen

They do.


Kellen

And the reason we don't think we do is because when we hear ourselves, half the sound is through our own bone conduction, and other people hear us through the air.


Kellen

And so when you hear yourself on a recording, that's actually what you sound like, and the rest of it is not.


Kellen

But anyway, here's the message.


Kellen

We have to insert a message in the marketplace.


Kellen

So just save that phrase.


Kellen

I'm inserting a message in the marketplace.


Kellen

Here you are.


Kellen

You're inserting a message in the marketplace that all my podcast listeners and YouTube channel and yours and everybody is going to hear.


Kellen

And when you teach your clients something, you're teaching it for them.


Kellen

And then if it changes their life, even in a small way, their life, inserts that message into the marketplace.


Kellen

It's not just about when you're selling, it's who you're being and who I'm being and you're being every single minute.


Kellen

We're inserting a message in the world.


Kellen

But I always say in the marketplace, because when you're thinking about business and growing and coaching and everything else, you really are.


Kellen

Excuse me, you're inserting a message in the marketplace.


Kellen

So that's all.


Kellen

And when you get ready to do a reel or whatever, just say, what message do I want to insert in the marketplace?


Kellen

What is it?


Wendy Feldman

That.


Wendy Feldman

Yeah.


Kellen

And then insert the message in the marketplace.


Wendy Feldman

I love it.


Wendy Feldman

I've got the Kellen going in my brain.


Wendy Feldman

All your energy is like, I love it.


Wendy Feldman

It's just you do.


Wendy Feldman

You bounce off.


Wendy Feldman

You bounce off the screen, you know, and.


Wendy Feldman

And I wanna.


Wendy Feldman

If.


Wendy Feldman

If I can.


Wendy Feldman

Can I go back to one thing you.


Wendy Feldman

You asked a little earlier as you were saying, insert the mark, insert the message.


Wendy Feldman

You talked about, like, kind of talking about jealousy.


Wendy Feldman

You're, you know, wanting.


Wendy Feldman

Wanting to be like others or saying, oh, I want to do that.


Wendy Feldman

And there was a time when I have to say, when I.


Wendy Feldman

I felt like that, like, you want that or you envy or blah, blah, blah.


Wendy Feldman

And a few years ago, my.


Wendy Feldman

One of my daughters.


Wendy Feldman

I have three kids.


Wendy Feldman

I have two sons and a daughter.


Wendy Feldman

And one of my kids and I, we were out on a hike, and one of them asked me, they said, are you jealous of anyone?


Wendy Feldman

And I said, no, you know, I'm really not.


Wendy Feldman

And it wasn't like I just flat off, I just said, no.


Wendy Feldman

I just thought, no, I'm really not.


Wendy Feldman

So come on, mom, there's.


Wendy Feldman

I said, no, actually, I have to tell you, I said, life has really changed for me.


Wendy Feldman

I said, because I Look at me now and I know what I have gone through, and I know what I came through.


Wendy Feldman

And nobody knows like you, unless you've been through it.


Wendy Feldman

When you've had to lie in a hospital bed for two weeks and not.


Wendy Feldman

And lying there when no one's in the room and the pain and the nurse won't come in and you're pushing the button and you're in such pain and you're crying and you don't have anyone there with you, no one knows that fear, that pain.


Wendy Feldman

And when you can get through that and realize how strong you need to be to get through that and how resilient to get through that.


Wendy Feldman

After all that, I'm like, I know what I'm worth.


Wendy Feldman

I know what I've got in me and I, I have downsized my life.


Wendy Feldman

I have removed not just physical things out of my life, but I've removed certain, you know, there's, there's people that we move and we move out of our lives and we have to take that out because that has been freeing to me.


Wendy Feldman

And if, if it was someone, let's say, oh, yeah, I was envious or maybe then that's.


Wendy Feldman

Then I don't think that's a healthy relationship.


Wendy Feldman

So then maybe I need to remove or whatever that is.


Wendy Feldman

And I'm just saying in general terms, I'm very happy with who I am right now.


Wendy Feldman

I am very secure and I love what I can then offer other people.


Wendy Feldman

And I just want.


Wendy Feldman

There's so many people in the world that I want to be able to have feel that same way because I know that people have been in my shoes.


Wendy Feldman

I, I know that.


Wendy Feldman

We know that.


Wendy Feldman

And I would love to be able to help people to realize you, yourself, as we said, we all have.


Wendy Feldman

Every humanist planet is a divine being and has a gift to share.


Wendy Feldman

It's there.


Kellen

It is, it is.


Kellen

And I agree with you completely.


Kellen

And you know, when you make a change and you might remove someone from your life, everything is just for now.


Kellen

Like right now in this circumstance with what's going on, I got to do this thing.


Kellen

And they can get pissed off or do whatever they're going to do, that's fine, or they can talk bad about you and what other people think of you is none of your business.


Kellen

Our goal is to develop everything that we have and can be and then insert it in the marketplace.


Kellen

Whether it's just for love or for money or for both.


Kellen

I want to give you right now the chance to tell everybody exactly where to find you, where to follow you.


Kellen

Where can we see these reels of the messages you're inserting in the marketplace, your website, how to find out what you do so that they can hear more of you and find out, you know, what's going on.


Wendy Feldman

Yes, absolutely.


Wendy Feldman

And on that last little note too, everything is for a short term.


Wendy Feldman

Just because things get removed doesn't mean that it can't come back too.


Wendy Feldman

And that's the life is that we all adapt and change.


Wendy Feldman

So if it doesn't work at the time, that's fine.


Wendy Feldman

And it could be a food item, it could be.


Wendy Feldman

It's.


Wendy Feldman

You're for your body.


Wendy Feldman

You're taking something out because you're, you're not feeling good.


Wendy Feldman

But maybe it comes back and that's okay.


Wendy Feldman

Too.


Wendy Feldman

So where you can find me, you can find me on social media if you want, if you're an Instagram follower.


Wendy Feldman

I'm at Wendy Feldman Underscore Wellness, and my website is Wendy Feldman wellness dot com.


Wendy Feldman

And you can find me at really either of those places.


Wendy Feldman

I'm on LinkedIn as Wendy Feldman.


Wendy Feldman

But yeah, I, I'm just, I'm out there.


Wendy Feldman

I'm putting myself out there.


Wendy Feldman

And I'm on TikTok as well.


Wendy Feldman

Just starting on TikTok as I know that younger generation has told me, you gotta be out on TikTok.


Wendy Feldman

So I'm putting myself on TikTok, Kellen.


Wendy Feldman

I'm getting myself out there.


Kellen

I love it.


Kellen

And I want to emphasize to the listeners, you know, I bring people on here that I think have something that I know have something, a gift, an energy, a smile, a story.


Kellen

And Wendy has all of those things.


Kellen

And so I would encourage you to take a minute, take 10 minutes, go find some stuff, see what she's done and see how she's adding good to the world.


Kellen

And then ask yourself, how am I adding good to the world?


Kellen

Wendy, here's your chance to say anything you forgot or leave us with a final piece of encouragement or message or anything.


Wendy Feldman

I don't think I forgot anything.


Wendy Feldman

But what I will say is again, about the gift and again about fear, because fear can hold us back.


Wendy Feldman

And I have been watching your.


Wendy Feldman

If you haven't watched Kellen's eight part podcast section set on fear, it's amazing.


Wendy Feldman

And Kellen, I haven't finished it, but I do want to say to the, to your, to your listeners and to the world, and I don't know if this is in one of your podcasts, but there's an acronym that I have for fear, and maybe you've already put it in there and it's that you can.


Wendy Feldman

Fear means two things.


Wendy Feldman

You can face everything and run, or you could face everything and arise.


Wendy Feldman

And I have chosen to face everything and rise.


Wendy Feldman

And you can too.


Wendy Feldman

And as you have, and so can your listeners, and so can the world.


Wendy Feldman

And we can all make this a very peaceful place to live and exist.


Kellen

Wendy, thank you for sharing your energy, your love, your heart, your gifts, and your courage with us today.


Wendy Feldman

Thank you for having me.


Wendy Feldman

Thank you.


Wendy Feldman

It's been a total pleasure, my dear.


Kellen

My dear listeners, I want you to take this seriously.


Kellen

Listen to it again.


Kellen

Remember that acronym, Fear is an imaginary thing.


Kellen

It's, it's just some neurochemistry.


Kellen

You can't bring me a cup of fear so she's right on all counts.


Kellen

I can make you a promise.


Kellen

If you take the things that you have felt in your heart and learned and listened from today, it will help you take steps to move forward to create your ultimate life.


Kellen

Right now, your opportunity for massive growth is right in front of you.


Kellen

Every episode gives you practical tips and practices that will change change everything.


Kellen

If you want to know more, go to kellenflukegermedia.com if you want more free tools, go here.


Kellen

Your Ultimate Life ca subscribe Share.