Breaking Free from the Fear of Judgment: Stop the ‘Death of 1000 Thoughts

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All right, here we are.

Your ultimate life.

Now, today's episode is.

It's going to sound a little gruesome, but remember, we're doing fear.

Eight episodes on how fear in various forms gets in the way of you creating that life.

You want purpose, prosperity and joy.

Getting up every day.

When was the last time you got out of bed?

Flew out of bed in the morning, you were so excited you could hardly stand it.

Was it on vacation?

I remember doing that many, many years ago when I had season passes to a ski resort and it was Saturday morning and we were going to go and be there right when they opened at 9:00 and.

Yeah, right, those kinds of things.

Sometimes it used to be like working for the weekend.

I used to get that excited on Friday morning even, because it was the last day.

There's a different kind of ultimate life where that way it's how you feel every single day.

And I say that every episode.

You might think I'm nuts, and that's okay.

I love you.

It's just because you haven't experienced that yet.

You can create a life that you love every day.

Every single day.

Even if crap's happening, you don't want and you wish would go away.

You don't have to live in hurt and pain.

Pain is required.

Suffering is optional.

You choose if you suffer.

That's bold.

And that might piss you off, but you do.

So why would you choose to suffer when it's completely optional?

And I'm not pretending bad things don't happen.

You know the drill.

They do.

And they do to you and they do to me.

And I don't even know that they're bad.

Things happen all around us and we decide if they're good or if they're bad, right?

And then we choose how we react, how we feel about them, how we interact with them and everything.

I have a novel thought for you.

What if you chose to love what it is to absolutely love the fact that it's raining or that, you know your.

Your back fence broke or that you got a flat tire?

Oh, I got a flat tire.

I'm so excited.

Unless you're on the way to something terrible.

No, I got a flat tire.

I'm so stoked.

And here's the question.

What can I make out of this.

What awesomeness can I create out of this circumstance?

And at first, especially if something difficult happens or that you used to think was difficult, you're going to think, this is n nuts.

And you're going to think, I'm playing a game.

I'm not.

Because it changes how you think about the circumstance.

Literally, if you don't say, oh, this sucks, why did this happen?

Or that, and blame God or the person that cut you off in traffic or whatever if you don't do that, but instead you say, hey, I wonder what awesomeness I can create from this.

I dare you.

I dare you, dare you, dare you.

Double dare you to do that with everything that happens.

Question.

Wow.

What awesomeness can I create from this?

And then just slow down and think and ask the real question.

What could I create from this?

I don't know.

Okay.

Mastering that skill.

Mastering that skill will put you in the top 1/100th of a percent of people in your ability to create order from chaos, cash from confusion.

Be a leader of yourself and others.

Be a light where it seems like there's only darkness.

That's a promise.

But you won't know until you test it.

What awesomeness can be created from this.

Now, I say all that to you because I love you and by love you.

Love is a choice.

If I use a verb, love, it's a verb, right?

It's not a feeling.

Love is a verb.

And it means to use your resources, your spiritual, physical, emotional and mental resources to bless someone.

Well, one of the reasons I'm doing this podcast, one of the reasons I do my weekly LA talk radio show, one of the reasons I write books, all of those things are done because I want to lift and bless you.

I don't even know your name.

Maybe I know some of you, but I love you.

I don't need to know you.

We have plenty of examples in the world where people hate people they don't know and have stories about why that's appropriate and justified.

Well, I love you.

I don't need a reason.

You're beautiful, you're capable, you're divine.

And I invite you to take a little bit more sovereign control.

And for the just try it for today, no matter what happens, if it's something especially you thought, oh, that would have sucked, don't, and just say, hey, I wonder what awesomeness I can create here.

And then sit with it.

Not as a game.

Not to say, you know, kiln's full of crap, but.

But just ask it and then answer it and see what happens.

And Then I ask you to share those results with me.

Now you can get ahold of me.

The URL on the screen is kellenfluetkigermedia.com, go there, sign up for newsletters, sign up for stuff.

I got free stuff at my name kellenfluet.com, but go to Kellen Fluekiger Media.

You'll see all that I'm up to.

And there's a way to get ahold of me.

So I really want to see.

I'd love to know what happens when you take that choice.

Something happened.

Tell me what happened.

Tell me that you said, oh, I'm going to create awesomeness.

And then tell me what you created.

I'd be really interested to know.

So this is the next episode, number six in our series of eight episodes about fear.

About how fear in different forms gets in the way of you creating the life you want.

A life of purpose, prosperity, joy, excitement, cash.

Everything you want, you substitute in your words.

I use ppj, purpose, prosperity and joy because that's where I've landed.

And for me, it includes everything.

All right, so the first episode was fear of setting goals.

Second was fear of failure.

Ooh, that was a good one.

Fear of appearing arrogant.

Fear of asking for help.

Fear of saying no.

And today's number six, fear of being scrutinized by others.

Ooh, scary thought.

Fear of being scrutinized.

How many of you have felt that?

Raise your hands.

If you're not raising your hands, you're lying or you're holding two hands on a steering wheel.

Fear of being scrutinized by others is universal.

We have it beat into us through, maybe physically, but through emotionally anyway.

Grades in school, being picked or not picked on sports teams, being shunned because of a particular thing you do.

Say, wear, believe, think how you dress, etc.

Being ranked according to this and that, you know you're consist constantly being scrutinized, judged, and found wanting.

Now, maybe you win sometimes, but there are plenty of times when no matter what you do, you fall short.

You don't cut it, and you know the feeling and it hurts.

So fear of being scrutinized by others.

I named this episode the Death of a Thousand Thoughts.

Death of a Thousand Thoughts.

Now here's why I called it that.

If you Google death by a thousand cuts, you'll see that sometime in around the nine hundreds to about 1905.

So almost a period of a thousand years, there was a method of torture and execution called death by a thousand cuts.

Horrifying thought someone was tied up in the public square and then little cut would be made on him.

Certainly nothing that was life threatening.

Just enough to draw a little blood and then another one.

You know, first skin and then a little in the muscles and then in the joints.

And of course, eventually they would succumb to death, but it was very long and it was very painful.

That method of torture and execution was outlawed in 1905, I think is what I read.

And maybe Google's wrong and whatever, but that's what I read.

So for about a thousand years that was a method that was used.

And how horrible.

Well, there's another thing going on as I read further in different articles.

There's a psychology thing called death by a thousand cuts also.

And it talks about the accumulation of negative stuff and insults and pain and, you know, being pushed away or blamed or bashed or put down or cut down.

Well, that I know something about, because some version of that is how I experienced.

I'm not assigning anyone's intent, but my experience of growing up was death by a thousand cuts.

I regularly got spanked or beat.

I regularly got slapped and knocked around and, you know, all kinds of physical, emotional, verbal abuse.

And individually, none of them were fatal, obviously.

Although I do.

I do remember getting beat hard enough that I hid in the locker room at school and got dressed last because I didn't want anyone to see I was black and blue.

But it was far from fatal.

But there was nothing physical there.

But emotionally, the sum and substance of those things was the death of my value, the death of my value.

And I lived until I was 52 believing that I wasn't worth anything.

I was not good enough, worse than not good enough, worthless, et cetera, et cetera.

Now, I'm not saying that to feel sorry for me, and I'm not blaming or saying anything like that, but that experience was my emotional equivalent of death by a thousand cuts.

Perhaps you've had something like that or worse.

So right now I don't want to talk about justice for victims or any of that kind of stuff.

That's an appropriate topic, just not for here.

What I'm focused on is, okay, if that or some version of that kind of torture was your life experience, emotionally, spiritually, physically, sexually, whatever.

Are you dead?

Are you finished?

I certainly thought I was.

I attempted suicide a couple times.

But I'm here now, alive, well, healthy, and living that life of purpose, prosperity and joy because I've learned to end the consequences in my own life of death by a thousand cuts.

Emotional psychological cuts.

So here I want to talk about helping you see whether or not you are suffering in some version from that and what to do about it.

Because again, when you're.

If you're struggling, and you know what's the most insidious thing?

The way I just described it was things that were inflicted by others.

But you know, when stuff is inflicted by others, especially that psycho babble trauma, you know what we do, we pretty soon start inflicting it on ourselves, and that inner critic becomes the loudest voice in the chorus telling you, you suck.

You can't, you won't, don't try.

You shouldn't do this.

You won't get there.

And on and on and on.

So what do we do?

Well, let's talk about that.

So, first, I have a disease.

It's a.

It's an imaginary disease, but it's very real.

And it's called witot W I T O T witt and it stands for what I think others think.

If you spend any time worrying about, fretting over or fussed about what you believe others are thinking, you are suffering death by a thousand thoughts.

You are letting others rent space in your head.

And you know what's even funnier?

They're not actually renting space.

It's what you think they think that's renting space.

At least if someone tells you you know what they think, to the extent you understood it correctly, which is always doubtful anyway, what other people think of you is none of your business.

That's a quote.

I hope it's exactly right from Byron, Katie, and perhaps others.

But it's true.

It is none of your business.

We don't control their thoughts and it doesn't matter.

So what do we do?

Well, first of all, evaluate my challenge to you today.

And each one of these podcasts has a challenge, because my goal is to help you achieve a life of purpose, prosperity, and joy and get rid of all the baggage, rocks, pain, diseases, and other things that are in your way.

So your assignment is to take the rest of today and tomorrow and catch yourself.

How often are you thinking about what others think?

Wow, there's a thing.

How often are you wondering, assuming, judging, defending, deflecting from.

You know, you're having a conversation with nobody.

You.

You're playing both sides and you're thinking someone else is cruel, mean, stupid, wrong, because you're imagining what they are thinking or saying to themselves.

So I challenge you with all my heart to do that for just a day and a half.

The rest of today, whenever you Hear this, and tomorrow catch yourself.

And then do this.

Realize that you don't.

Number one, you don't actually know what they're thinking.

Okay?

You don't know even if they said something subject to your interpretation.

But most of the time they didn't.

We're just making it up, right?

So number one, you do not know.

And number two, you do not care.

Now, a couple episodes ago, I did an episode on people pleasing and how the fear of saying no, fear of people pleasing or not fear of, but acting out, people pleasing, fear of saying no, gets in the way of your ultimate life.

Well, this is part of that, related to it and so forth.

So catch yourself.

How often are you thinking about what others are thinking in some kind of negative way?

Okay, you're assuming the worst.

You're assuming they're mad, upset, dissatisfied, whatever it is with you.

So notice it.

And then realize that, number one, you don't care.

And two, you don't.

You can't control it anyway.

Those are backwards.

I can't control it.

I don't care.

I challenge you at the same time to then ignore any thought that you had or have about acting based on that thought.

Oh, they're probably mad at me, so I better make them a cake.

Right?

That is a thought.

I think they're mad at me.

Action.

So I better bake him a cake.

Notice when you're thinking, assuming, making up thoughts others have, and then consciously reframe, ignore, choose to not do whatever the thought was later.

I should X.

Okay, now, the only exception to that would be if something really significant has happened and it is important for you to understand what someone is thinking and perhaps planning to do, then there is no witch.

There's asking.

I don't know what you're thinking.

I don't know what your take on this event conversation was.

And I don't want to make something up.

So could you tell me where you're at?

Did this event conversation leave you upset?

Yes or no?

What can we do to write that ship?

Okay, so if there's some significant thing that matters, then spend zero time with Witt and go right to the question.

Hey, this went down.

It left me with a question.

And the question is, are you okay?

Did you end up feeling not satisfied, not clear, not okay, you know, pissed off at me because of that?

I don't know, I might be making that all up, but I want to make sure everything's clear.

So that's the only way to handle that.

If it's something important and you really feel like it needs attention.

But stewing is 0000, and most of the time you won't need to go to that, to that thing.

So there's your challenge right now.

Catch yourself if you're thinking about what others are thinking, and then remember that you don't control it and it doesn't matter anyway, unless it's something really valuable, in which case, take immediate action.

Send a text, make a phone call, or go see them in person.

Say, I just want to make sure that went down okay.

And if it didn't.

Wow.

I was right.

I was kind of worried.

So what shall we do to right that ship?

If you come in sincerely, with honesty and integrity, 99.9% of the time, you'll be able to write it, you'll have an open conversation, and you'll be able to fix it because you took the initiative.

What you're going to find out is most people can or won't take that initiative.

They won't.

They're afraid.

Ooh, afraid of what?

Death of a thousand thoughts.

Now I want to talk for a moment about why death of a thousand cuts or death thousand thoughts is so destructive.

When your mind or mine is full of assumptions, made up stuff about what others might be thinking, how much of your processing power does that use?

How upset does that leave you?

How many negative neurotransmitters?

Ooh, there's an alliteration.

Negative neurotransmitters are filling your bloodstream, causing your stomach to be upset, your shoulders to be tight, your throat to tighten up.

How much of that's going on?

If it's going on, it's eating your creativity, it's eating you up.

Why would you do that?

Especially when you're making it up anyway.

That's like running in the kitchen and saying, what can I eat here that will really make my stomach upset?

And then eating it on purpose.

We wouldn't do that.

That's silly.

Right?

So when you spend time worrying about that, thinking about it, fretting over it, whatever your right word is, you're eating your creativity.

Because you're absorbing space.

You're also lowering your ability to receive revelation, intuition, inspiration.

And here's why.

If I'm worried about what you're thinking, where am I on the happiness scale from 0 or 1 to 10?

Well, I'm uptight.

I'm worried.

I'm down in the fretting category.

So my energy's at 30%, right?

How creative am I at 30%?

I'm not very creative.

So it wrecks us Two ways.

It puts us in a low energy state.

A low vibration, if you're talking vibrational terms, and it really does, you know how that feels.

And it also takes up processing space because I'm busy thinking about it instead of other things.

So spending time in that place trashes you.

Why would you do that?

You're a divine being designed to create your ultimate life.

You're designed to love and serve, create cash, create value, make your mark in the world.

That's who you are.

And if you live at 30% energy and you take up one fourth of your CPU cycles worrying about that, it's trash.

Okay, so let's talk about the other side of this.

What happens when you eliminate all negative thinking?

Now, you can think right now of a time where maybe you have to think of a time where things were going really well.

Will do.

With externalities.

You can create this for yourself anytime you want.

But we'll talk about this in a minute.

Remember a time right now when you got really good news, things are going well, you closed a big deal, Stuff went fantastic, you solved a significant problem, and you were just on fire.

You were up the ladder.

You were at 90% or 100% on your emotional energy scale.

Your vibration was off the charts.

Well, how good was your creativity?

How powerful were your insights?

Well, you know the answer?

You are unstoppable.

Right?

Okay.

So those are the two sides of that coin, and they are real and they are powerful.

Now, the death of a thousand thoughts.

Wordplay on death.

A thousand cuts is this if I spend time, a lot of time, worrying about or fretting about what people are thinking, consuming my CPU space with that, lowering my energy, because I'm assuming, of course, they're thinking bad things, Gradually I get in a downward spiral, worrying more, assuming the worst, and I circle the toilet drain, right?

Coriolis.

You spin and spin and gradually you end up down the drain.

So you trash your creativity and your ability to create, all because of fear.

Fear of what others are thinking, right?

Fear of being scrutinized, fear of being watched and judged.

Another version of that is, let's say you wrote a book.

Or let's say you're doing a video or you're doing a podcast, like this.

If you're sitting doing a video or you're on my show, let's say you come on my show and you spend the whole time as we chat worrying about what Kellen's thinking, or you're worrying about what the audience that's going to see it might think.

And that's consuming your mind.

How good of a guest are you going to be?

How much wisdom and love and kindness and encouragement are you going to be able to share?

Well, you already know the answer to that question.

So that affects your ability to lift others.

It affects your ability to bless.

It affects your ability to market effectively.

If you're writing marketing copy or you're doing videos to advertise a product or service and you're creating that marketing material thinking, oh, I wonder if they'll like this.

Oh, wonder if it'll be okay.

Oh, it'll probably suck.

Oh, then you're exactly right.

You're going to create garbage and it won't work.

So this principle has application, obviously, to every aspect of your life.

If you're going into a conversation with your significant other and you're assuming the worst, they're going to get pissed and yell at me.

And this is going to deteriorate, you know, without thinking.

It's going to escalate and you're going to end up shouting or worse.

So this is a cycle.

It feeds on itself and it does lead to death.

Maybe not physical death.

Death of autonomy, death of creativity, death of service, death of love.

And those are the things that make us valuable and human.

So your assignment was to listen to your thinking, catch yourself when you're making up stuff, and then make a change.

What if they're thinking you're wonderful?

What if they love what you said or did more than anything in the world?

Send yourself up the ladder.

Your creativity goes up and fun goes up also.

So I want to stop for just a minute and issue some invitations to you.

I know that witat what I think, others think worrying about all that stuff is prevalent and powerful.

It is something I've become an expert at curing and eliminating.

If that is a struggle for you, if you find yourself sidetracked or derailed, or you can't make videos because you're afraid, or you can't write that book you mean to or, or, or.

Or all the different things.

Please reach out.

Let me help you eliminate that.

I, for one, want to see your light.

I want to see your products, your service, your story, your love.

I want to see how you add good to the world.

I want to experience it.

So if that's a struggle for you, I invite you to get a hold of me now.

Kellen Flue, kicker media.com the URL on the screen.

There's a place to get a hold of me.

So do, do and let's talk.

Because my commitment is to help you overcome that.

Why?

Because I want you to create purpose, prosperity and joy.

The second invitation is if you have a story of resilience where you've overcome this or similar situations where you lived in a family where you were always judged, or a relationship, or where judgment got in the way, maybe self judgment, that was the death one for me, self judgment.

But where judgment of self or others got in the way of your creativity, your productivity and your joy, and you are overcoming that or have overcome it, I want to hear how and I want to share it with the audience.

I want to know how you did that, and I want to share your journey and your victory with others.

Because who knows who will resonate with and be drawn by your voice and your story?

And the third thing is I invite you to share this show with those who need it.

Maybe you're all done with all these different difficulties and you're living your ultimate life, but surely you know those who need your encouragement.

So share this with them.

Now I want to return to Death of a Thousand Thoughts.

How well do you listen to your inner dialogue?

How do you talk to yourself?

Are you kind?

Are you loving?

Are the words that you say to you full of love and kindness?

Or are they.

Do you talk to yourself in a way that you would never talk to a friend?

If we heard the truth of how you treat yourself, would we say, oh, my word, that's horrible.

Or would we say, wow, there's a woman who loves herself, There's a man who knows his real value.

There's a person who's got a beautiful view of their capability and worth?

What would it sound like?

That's a powerful exercise.

It's one that I needed to do and still do.

I ask myself, would I use this language with my beloved, my holy angel, Joy, my wife, business partner, and beloved messenger from heaven?

Would I use this language with her?

If there's a moment's hesitation, then I know I'm suffering.

Death of a Thousand Thoughts.

I'm lowering my ability to produce.

I'm lowering my creativity.

I'm lowering my productivity.

So I ask you to just consider that.

Listen to your thoughts.

Now, there's a framework that I use with all my clients, and it's very simple and it's super powerful.

And I've said it before, and it is notice and choose.

Notice and choose.

So if you notice that you're using language that's not loving toward yourself, I should have got up.

I shouldn't have done that.

Oh, crap.

I shouldn't have said that.

What an idiot.

All those kinds of things.

If you're using that language, don't be mad, don't be upset, and don't start ragging on yourself.

Just listen, notice, and then choose something different.

Wow, look what I just said to myself or someone else.

I'm going to fix that right now.

Self.

I love you.

I love you for trying.

I love you for noticing and choosing.

I apologize.

That isn't the real me.

The real me is full of love, kindness, growth, uplifting, blessing.

All those good words.

Creativity, light.

Right.

You really are divine.

You're capable of anything.

The whole point of my doing this podcast is to continually remind you of how awesome you are.

I'd love to meet you.

One of the things I love most of all about my work is that I get to meet so many people.

That includes you.

My commitments to help 250 million people this year and I'd love one of them to be you.

I'd love to hear from you.

And most of all, I would love to meet you and hear from you.

What you think, how this has helped you.

Or if it hasn't, why not?

So I invite you to do that.

I'm serious.

Please do it.

Take the time, take a moment to allow me the blessing of seeing your face and getting to know you.

Here's the last thing I want to say today, and that is nothing can stop you.

Except you.

Nothing can keep you from creating, purpose, prosperity and joy except you.

And if you're like me, I needed help to make that real.

So I invite you with all my heart to love yourself, get the help, coaching and blessing you need so that you can move forward and add good to the world any way and every way you want and live your life.

A purpose, prosperity and joy so that you get to create and live your ultimate life right here, right now.

Your opportunity for massive growth is right in front of you.

Every episode gives you practical tips and practices that will change everything.

If you want to know more, go to kellenflukegermedia.com if you want more FREE tools, go here.

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