Boxed In? Break Free: How to Eliminate Fear and Live in Flow

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Hi, there.

Welcome to your ultimate life life, the podcast that I love doing, and I love you, and I love everything about this.

I'm only doing this for one thing.

You know, one of the funny things is every time I show up on somebody else's podcast, you know what I tell them?

I tell them how much I think they're amazing, how great I think they are, and I mean it.

You know why a podcast, whether it's video or audio or whatever, is a labor of love.

And I say that because it's our responsibility as hosts to both have episodes if we're doing them alone or get guests that focus on something that's valuable and useful to you, and that's sometimes hard to do, right?

It requires constant thinking and work and all that kind of stuff.

And when I tell them, I just honor and admire them because it's such a labor of love.

I want them to know how much I appreciate their work, because every single person that starts a podcast is doing it because they have a message.

They want to share something.

Now, maybe it's just popular trends, or maybe it's political, or maybe it's whatever.

And so they just have all kinds of guests and topics, that's fine.

But most podcasters that I know, and certainly the ones that I've had the opportunity to be with, are focused on a message.

They're focused on doing something valuable, on making a difference, on adding good to the world.

You know, all that kind of stuff that we talk about in this.

In this realm, and this podcast is no exception.

So every podcaster, I tell them how much I love them and how much I appreciate being on their show and how much I honor them for doing that labor of love.

And I just.

And that's how I feel, too.

And so I honor you for listening and watching, and I hope you're watching the video every time I say that.

I don't say it every time, but most times, because I always pick this video or the background for a reason.

And this beautiful background is a guy.

You know, it's a mountaintop and a bright sunshine and some guy out for a hike or a walk or whatever, and you can see that, and it's an open field of possibility, and that's how life is.

Now, the last episode, the one just before This I had a guest that I had on a couple of years ago, Liam Naden is his name, and he lives on a boat.

And he told me he's just getting ready to launch his fourth yacht.

And I don't know how big it is and I don't care.

It's going to be in the Mediterranean for a while and that's where he's going to go live.

He lives on that boat.

And you know what we talked about?

We talked about this open field, the open field of possibility.

And I want to talk about that also, but from a bit of a different point of view.

I have a acronym, you've heard it before, WITOT W I T O T.

And it stands for what I think, others think.

And we obsess furiously about who thinks what of us.

Right.

And do they think bad?

And is that okay?

And oh, no.

And you know that whole piece of your brain that lives in fear that you are doing something wrong?

And Liam talked a lot about fear, and he called it that.

Well, he said that the state of fear in the brain is the lower functioning and gets in the way of every single good thing.

And his idea and theory is, and I love it, is when you have no fear, you're in the creative part of the brain.

Abundance and thrive and creation is the natural state.

And he talked about all the bugs and leaves and things in the world that show that's true.

Well, you know what?

In 2018, at the end, in December, I had an experience that was six months after I did die.

I had an experience of another serious infection where I was paralyzed from the waist down.

And I had a marvelous manifestation on the way to the hospital in the back of the ambulance.

And from that experience, I wrote a book titled Walking Without Fear.

And I used that title, Walking Without Fear because why?

Because I was paralyzed from the waist down the morning of December 5th.

And if you want to read about that, how I woke up paralyzed from the waist down and then, you know, transported the hospital and ambulance, only time I'd ever actually ridden to the hospital in an ambulance.

And a marvelous miraculous manifestation that I saw.

And then the things that happened in the next fifth to the, I think the 14th, the next two, two weeks, almost nine, 14, nine days, I guess that were miraculous.

And it spawned the book Walking Without Fear.

And it creates the life that I have right now where I have no fear, I live without fear, and I'm not perfect.

So once in a while some strange feeling will come in and I'll realize that, gee, that's the neurotransmitters of fear.

But it only lasts for seconds.

And I don't live there at all.

Any.

And here's what I know, and I want you to hear this.

Eliminating fear from your life is possible.

It is powerful, and it is productive.

It's possible because you and I, we don't live in a world of lions and tigers and bears.

We're not in.

For the most part, you might be, but in a wartime country.

Now, right now, there's two terrible wars going on in the world and other conflicts as well.

Eastern Europe and in the Middle east, we've got wars where people are dying by the thousands, tens of thousands and even hundreds of thousands.

People who expected just a few years ago, two, three years ago to have a normal life, go to work, do stuff, have families, have fun, and are now dead by the thousands for senseless and pointless and murderous reasons of greed and everything else.

Most of us are not living in that circumstance where today your life is imminently threatened.

But you know what?

You live in a state of fear anyway.

And that fear is destructive.

It's the ultimate destroyer.

And if you go back and listen to last episode, Liam's.

He talks a bit about that and about his own story about learning this stuff and dealing with it.

And I've talked about a similar thing in the book Walking Without Fear.

You do not need to live in fear.

You can eliminate it.

Eliminating fear.

Living without it is possible.

Okay?

It's powerful and it's productive.

The possible is.

I know because I'm living there.

The.

The powerful means that when I am that way with no fear neurotransmitters, none of that's in my life, then I'm creative and I'm focused and I'm joyful, and I'm just like, things happen, right?

And productive means being in flow.

So I'm writing a book right now that'll be out probably in the fall, September, October, and it's called Masterpiece.

And the subtitle is Seize the day, live in flow, and change the world.

Now, why would I name it that?

Well, seizing the day again, it's a matter of choice.

You can create whatever you want.

Today, living in flow is possible.

It's not a thing that just happens once in a while, accidentally, when the conditions are right.

You can create the conditions of flow and you can access them every day.

And change the world is what naturally happens when you and I live in flow.

Because we're built to love and serve each other.

We're built to have joy.

We're built to be creative.

And it is only by unlearning those things and beating ourselves down or the society or the upbringing or trauma or whatever that keep us locked up in that place.

So today's episode was titled.

Is titled Boxing yourself in.

Boxing yourself in is this horrifying habit.

Horrifying habit.

Ooh, that's alliterative.

Horrifying habit.

Okay.

Horrifying habit that hinders.

Boy, we're getting H's all over the place.

Horrifying habit that hinders your health and your happiness.

I should write that down.

It's a horrifying habit that hinders your health and happiness.

Five Hs.

Not that that means anything more, but it does.

Living in fear is a learned behavior.

The news cycle is created to elevate fear.

News, people, stories.

Everything is presented in the most horrible light possible.

Glaring flaming headlines.

Accus no matter what's going on.

Right?

Because that activates those negative neurotransmitters.

And that horrible habit hinders or gets in the way of your happiness, your health.

It does.

And your prosperity, your creativity goes out the window.

And it is from a place of creativity that we live in flow and enjoy the ultimate life.

So that's why I'm writing masterpiece Seizing the Day.

It's going to teach you how to seize the day.

How to get to and live in flow and change the world.

And those might sound like great big words, but it's possible.

You can seize the day every single day.

You can live in flow every single day.

And you can change the world every day.

Now, we don't change it with a wand and we don't change everything all at once.

And I know that and you know that.

But you can live totally happy.

That is the ultimate life purpose.

Prosperity and joy.

And I live there every day.

I am happy every single day.

And no, I.

Everything doesn't go right.

I got as many things.

I just got an email from the Canada Revenue Agency.

I don't know what they want, but normally that could strike fear.

It's.

Yeah, nothing.

It's going to be whatever it is and we'll take care of it.

Okay.

Just as easily.

Be good.

Something.

Something good.

Woo.

I don't know.

And I saw it before I started recording this and then I intentionally decided, ah, I'm going to worry about it later.

Not because I'm afraid, because I'm avowedly not, but because I love you.

And this is the time to help you eliminate fear.

Seize the day.

Live and flow.

Change the world.

That book will be out in the fall.

Can't wait for you to see it and read it, unless you don't care about those things.

So boxing yourself in is the title that I gave this, but I've already been talking about a lot of pieces of it.

Okay, what is boxing yourself in mean?

Now, since I've got this picture of this dude walking up, you know, hiking in the mountains.

You've all heard of something called a box canyon.

A box canyon is a narrow passage, maybe starts out wide in between, you know, mountain peaks.

And it goes in and then it's a dead end.

And at the end, there's no real way out.

The.

The walls of the canyon or sheer, meaning they're very steep and there's really no trail up.

So the only way out is back the way you came.

And, you know, then that wastes a lot of time.

And sometimes people get frustrated and they're trying to climb a difficult thing at the end of a box canyon and, you know, injury and everything else.

So that is a physical example of boxing yourself in.

Another example is when you're arguing or debating with somebody and you use an argument and this and that, and you find yourself boxed in.

You know, you've made arguments and there's no way out.

So you end up embarrassed or losing or whatever.

Painting yourself into a corner is another way that we describe that.

Now, what does that got to do with creating your ultimate life?

Well, let's talk about it.

Where are you boxed in?

Where are you boxed in right now in your life?

Where do you feel like?

I've got no options, I've got no way out, Maybe not even the way I came in.

Right.

There's no way out that can feel, that can show up when finances are tough and you say, I've got no way to make money or I can't make enough and I'm tired of struggling and watching every nickel and fretting.

Ooh, fear.

There it is again.

Fretting.

I don't know if I'm going to pay this bill.

Which bills am I going to pay?

Which bills am I going to put off?

How much longer can I do this, that and the other before my car gets repoed or whatever?

So that's a financial fear place or being boxed in.

Another one is in the relationship, right?

So you're in a relationship and things are in trouble.

You've had troublesome things happening, and you find yourself boxed in or feeling trapped.

Trapped in a relationship.

You might feel trapped in a job and the boxing in is, well, I can't Quit because I need to pay rent, buy food and take care of maybe some other people.

You've got a spouse or kids or something, and maybe you don't, but you've got bills to pay and some boxed in.

Boxed in.

I got to stay in this stupid job and I probably can't get a better one anyway.

And you know that kind of language, all that language is the language of fear.

It's the language of being boxed in.

It's the language of being defeated.

It's the language of less than not good enough, and all the rest that you already know.

So what do you do when that happens?

Then that question is given to you two ways.

Really.

You right now listening.

What do you do when that feeling comes?

You're boxed in.

You're trapped.

Financially, physically, emotionally, in your business, in your personal life, you're boxed in, you're trapped, you're stuck.

What do you do?

Now, there's a couple of possibilities.

And the other way to ask that question is, gee, what do you do?

Meaning, what does one do?

But it's more effective and powerful if you ask that for you, what do you do?

I ask myself that all the time.

What to do if I'm feeling the.

The least bit confused, boxed in, uncertain, etc.

So let's talk about what the possibilities are.

Number one, is it even true?

We say I got no choice.

I'm trapped.

Well, the first thing I want to assure you with all the love in my heart that I have, is it's never true.

It is never true.

Never, only always, never, never, never true that you have, that there's nothing to do because.

And I can prove that, because an hour is going to go by and something will have happened, you will have done something, the situation will change, or a day or a week.

So the fact that you can't think of what to do or I can't think of what to do right this minute doesn't mean there isn't anything.

It means is, wow, I can't see that right now.

So what do you do?

Well, I'll tell you what I do.

When I feel that way, I slow way, way down.

Because that feeling of franticness, you got a bunch of bills, can't pay them, or the your partner just said, you know, they're leaving, or your kids have done something crazy, or your business is falling apart, or you find yourself totally miserable, right?

I have had a period in my life where I was making a lot of money, lots of money, and I was more miserable than I'd ever been in my life.

So money's not the answer.

And so then the question, what do you do?

Well, the first thing, step one, slow down.

Because the feeling of being boxed in or trapped is almost always accompanied with the frantic hyperventilation that there's no choices, there's no way out.

Oh, no.

Oh, no, Something's going to happen.

The boogeyman's going to come.

The monsters are going to eat me in five seconds, right?

That's the feeling that comes.

And we're not creative in that place.

This is what Liam was talking about.

When we're fearful, we got no creative juice.

We can't see options.

We can't find alternatives.

We can't find that stuff.

So slow down, slow down.

And that means literally sit down if you can, lay down if you need to slow down.

Everything.

The purpose is to get relaxed.

Neurotransmitters in the body.

You know, the feelings that we have, fear, anger, upsetness, excitement.

All those are chemistry.

That's just chemistry that are produced by different glands in the brain.

Okay.

And the combination, the cocktails, those neurochemical cocktails cause the feeling.

Upset stomach, tightness in the shoulders, shortness of breath.

All that comes from the neurochemical cocktails.

Okay, that's interesting.

And they are processed because they're chemicals.

It's just like you take a.

You know, you drink a cup of coffee and a little while, the caffeine kicks in.

And I don't drink coffee, but hey, the caffeine kicks in, you get all excited, and then it wears off.

It is processed.

Or you drink alcohol and, you know, you feel the effects of that, and then in some time, that goes away.

The chemistry is processed.

Neurotransmitters are the same.

So if you're angry or frustrated or scared or whatever, slow down.

Give a minute to process.

10 minutes, take 10 so you can process and let the peak of the neurotransmitters go.

Get the neurotransmitters of fear out of your body of helplessness.

Learned helplessness is just that.

It's learned.

Victim mindset is learned.

Entitlement is learned.

None of those things are real unless we make them real.

So, number one, slow down.

Give some time for neurochemistry to process.

Number two, journal a little bit.

Write down how you're feeling, what you think your opportunities or barriers might be, you know, a list of short list.

Here's.

Here's what's going on.

Here's the possibilities.

And when.

Sometimes when we say, I got no choice, what we're really saying Is every single choice leads to it.

A stick of dynamite.

Okay, if I do this, then this is going to happen and we make up some story we don't really know, but we make it up, it's going to be a disaster.

If I do this, it's going to be another disaster.

If I do that one, oh, that's an even bigger disaster.

Let's go back to the place of I'm trapped in a job.

This applies to all of them.

Trapped in a job, can't quit because I'm boxed in.

I got bills to pay and everything else.

Yes, you can quit, but your assumption is if I quit, I'll get behind, then I'll get kicked out of my house, and then my spouse will leave or I'll starve to death or I'll die under a bridge, you know, and we go down these stories that go to disaster.

The truth is, you can do other work.

It has never been easier on the face of the earth to make money than it is right now, right this minute in.

And I'm talking about in the western.

I'm in Canada and Canada and the US at least, and also in many parts of Europe.

And Liam that I was just talking to, he's from New Zealand and Australia.

It's never been easier than it is right now.

And if you don't know how to do that, then let's talk, because this isn't a.

This one, this episode isn't about how to make money right this minute, but you can.

You can make money this week if you want to.

So there are always options.

So the idea if I quit my job, I'm dead is not true.

And so if you slow down and you let the opportunities and options sort of, you think them through, you'll see that there are actions you can take.

You know, they may look daunting or scary.

Okay, but that's a story because you and I, we have the tendency to disaster, you know, to imagine disaster, go right to the edge of the cliff.

My wife and I have a saying for that.

When one of us is talking that way, the other one says, are you cliffing it?

Meaning you're going right to the cliff and jumping off.

Right?

You go right to the most disastrous outcome.

So are you cliffing it?

We ask each other that.

But anyway, so slow down.

Journal a little.

Make some notes about what the possibilities.

And you write down what your concerns are about each one.

Right?

Let's say you're in a relationship and you decide, I can't be here anymore.

Well, I could Leave, could get divorced.

And if you've got kids, there's issues there.

You may say, you know what?

Maybe it's worth more effort to repair the relationship.

One of the things Liam didn't talk about, but I know he has some material on, is about relationship stuff.

There's all kinds of things you can do, and it's never true that you have no options.

What we do is we confuse ourselves by disaster, framing everything, cliffing it, and then we believe we have no options, and then we act in panic or with a victim mindset.

None of those things are creative or helpful.

So.

And slow down, make some notes about what you journal a little, how you got there, what the actual options are, even if you think the consequences are unacceptable.

And then look at the same options and ask this powerful question, what else could happen?

I got a job, I hate it, I quit, I die under a bridge.

What else could happen?

Well, I could find something better.

I could find something not better, but that tides me over until I find something better.

I could start a business.

I could.

And then make a list of the things you could do, even if at this moment you're.

The rejoinder is.

And that won't work.

And that won't work.

And that won't work.

That's all story.

Another thing besides slowing down and making some notes is get some help, talk to somebody.

That's why I love the coaching business, because at those moments of great alarm, it is so helpful to have someone to talk to who cares about you, who's on your side.

And every coach that's any worth their salt at all is on your side.

Can you think of a football or basketball, basketball or ice skating coach who didn't want their.

Who didn't want their client to win?

They're on your side.

And if you have a.

If you have a coach where you don't have that sensation, get rid of them yesterday because they're not interested in you, and they're worth nothing if they don't want you to win, okay?

And if you don't have that perception, every time you talk to them, they want me to win, and I know it.

You've got my best, best, best interest at heart.

So slow down, make some notes, talk to somebody, and then take action.

And the action might be wait a week, or it might be taking immediate action, okay?

And the guiding principle is ready, fire, steer.

So slow down, make some notes, talk to somebody, make a choice of the best possible action based on slowed down conversation and good advice, and then ready, fire, steer.

So do what you said you're going to do, look at the consequences and then make adjustments as you need to.

One of the most powerful places that I get that kind of help is inspiration, intuition.

In my meditation and prayer every morning, which I never, ever, ever, ever skip, is a connection with the divine.

So I've developed the ability to hear inspiration in an instant.

You have that ability.

I don't know how much you've developed it, but you could, you can.

It's yours to have.

And then in having that, you'll be able to get an inspiration and intuition about what to do or which option is best.

You know, what is the next step.

Because sometimes, but rarely standing still and lamenting and crying and weeping and, you know, complaining that the universe or yelling at God or whoever did whatever, that doesn't usually help.

That doesn't usually solve the problem.

And I don't know about you, but it doesn't even make me feel good.

Okay?

Now, if you're in a place where you feel boxed in, I use the analogy of being in a cage, okay?

And I like, you know, a little bird cage like Tweety and Sylvester, right?

There's those bars.

And you can see through the bars, you can see purpose, prosperity and joy.

You can see other people that are living the life you want to live.

You can see success.

You can visualize what that would look like for you.

And it's accompanied with this watch wild feeling of frustration of why can't I?

Why did this happen to me?

What do I do now?

I'm broken.

This isn't fair and all the rest.

And so you feel like.

And I use the analogy of a cage because it's like pressing up against the bars and you're reaching with all your might to grab that vision of purpose, prosperity and joy and pull it into your life, and it's just out of reach.

So I have a question for you.

What are the names on the bars?

If a word was written on each bar, what would it be?

When I use this model and I call the system and program I have, Break the cage.

Break the cage.

And the names on the bars are Fear, Procrastination and self sabotage.

Fear, Procrastination and self Sabotage.

Fear is the great destroyer.

Procrastination is another form of that.

And it often comes.

People blame it on perfectionism or I don't know what to do or I can't, or, you know, all that kind of stuff.

And self sabotage comes from a belief you don't deserve something.

And so you see a possibility of success.

And you have a story that you don't deserve it or can't have it, so you sabotage the outcome.

I've done that, okay?

I've ruined three careers.

Three careers I trashed.

Meaning I burned down the jobs.

I did something to sabotage it.

Now, how stupid is that, right?

Because.

And I didn't know this at the time, I didn't mean to do that.

I wasn't.

Didn't get up that morning and say, I'm going to wreck my life today.

But I did the actions that caused those outcomes.

And it was because, as I've now discovered later in the work that I've done, I didn't believe that I should have that the level of success and notoriety and et cetera, et cetera, money that I had, I didn't believe I was worthy.

I am not worthy of this.

And it was a subconscious thing that was my, you know, the bars, self sabotage.

And so I trashed it, burned it down more than once.

And that habit of fear, procrastination, self sabotage for me repeated itself over and over again until I was 52.

And then a divine intervention changed my life.

Now here's another book you can read if you want to understand how that worked.

Book called Tightrope of Depression.

My journey from Darkness, Despair and death to Light, Love and Life.

So that's two books, Tightrope and Walking Without Fear.

Tightrope is just.

Is the story Walking Without Fear has that specific incident in 2018 where I woke up paralyzed and then talks about what happened afterwards and how everything was healed and fear disappeared from my life.

So here's the invitation for you today.

Are you boxed in in any area of your life, building your business, maintaining or enhancing your relationship.

And in that way, I mean your relationship with yourself, with God, with a partner, with your kids, you feel at a stalemate, stuck in.

In that.

How about your money, your cash?

Do you feel boxed in?

Trapped.

Here's what I can promise you.

So there's a promise and an invitation.

Being boxed in is never true.

It is always a story.

The promise is you have the ability to get out of this situation.

You probably can't do it alone.

I certainly couldn't.

Most can't because we are stuck in our old way of thinking.

And so getting the help we need, not just to decide what is the right action, but it is 100% dependent on our beliefs.

Because if I believe I'm a failure or I believe I'm not worthy, I don't care what action I take, it isn't going to Work, or it isn't going to work very long because it will blow up if beliefs contradict your actions.

Beliefs trump every single time, 100%.

Eventually, maybe not in that same day, but in a week or a month or a year, you'll burn it down.

So, number one, you're never truly boxed in.

Number two, you probably can't fix that alone.

Get the help you need.

For me, it was counselors and then coaches.

I don't know what it is for you, but I know that help is available.

So here's the promise.

The promise is you can create the ultimate life.

You can create a life that for you is joyful, where you feel full filled.

You wake up every day excited about your life, excited about the things you have in front of you to do.

And joy will fill your heart, your eyes, your life, your smile.

You can have that.

That's a promise.

Now the invitation is this.

If you can't see away from where you are, to the next steps to purpose, prosperity and joy, let's talk.

Because that's all I do, is help people create your dream life manifest.

I know that's a buzzword, but create in your life anything you want.

You can have it, but it won't create itself.

Nobody's coming.

Nobody's going to do your homework.

So this is an invitation.

If I can help you, let me know.

The second invitation is I love, like the guest I just interviewed, I love sharing your stories of success.

So if you have struggled through different things and now are in a place of resilience and sharing and serving others, I want to talk then also because I love sharing your stories to my audience.

So if you want to be a guest, then go to the URL on the screen, kellenflueckegermedia.com and there's a contact form there, so make sure you do that.

I want to hear.

I want to hear your story.

I love people, every single person.

Well, I love you anyway, even if you choose not to grow, but every person that chooses to grow and work.

And so that's an invitation.

If you want help, reach out.

If you want to share a story, reach out.

And the third thing I have is a request, and that is that you share the podcast the message with others.

Because my goal this year is to reach 300 million people with the message that you can create whatever you want, that you're worth it, you're worthy, you are a divine being, you have infinite possibility, and you can live your life with purpose and power if you want to.

I know it.

I invite you to lean in, dive in to your own blessed and divine capabilities so that you can live every day with purpose, prosperity and joy and have your ultimate life open your heart this time around, right here, right now, your opportunity for massive growth is right in front of you.

Every episode gives you practical tips and practices that will change change everything.

If you want to know more, go to kellenflukermedia.com if you want more free tools, go here.

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